Rediscovering Music
When Daphne Violet Bennie picked up her violin again at 94, her fingers had not touched the strings in nearly 75 years. Encouraged by ellenor’s music therapy after the death of her husband Maurice, those first tentative notes marked the start of an extraordinary new chapter.
What followed was a journey of remarkable creativity and courage. From conquering her nerves to playing in public again, to writing her own music, to stepping up at ellenor’s Lights of Love service at Christmas, Daphne rediscovered not only her musical voice but also the confidence to share it with others.
Daphne first met Maurice when she was 15. “We were there for each other from the very beginning” she said. They went on to share an extraordinary 77 years together. When he died at the age of 93, Daphne suddenly faced life on her own for the first time. “I’d always been part of a couple,” she explains. “When I found myself alone, everything felt blank. I didn’t know who I was anymore.”
Although surrounded by a large and supportive family of three children, eight grandchildren and eight great-grandchildren, she struggled with a profound sense of loss. It was then that she noticed ellenor’s music therapy service being advertised and decided to find out more.
“I wanted to make sure it wasn’t banging tambourines,” she laughed. Instead, she met Andy, ellenor’s music therapist, and quickly discovered a safe and creative space where she could reconnect with music. “He was marvellous. He encouraged me to pick up the keyboard again, and later my violin. He got me writing songs, something I’d never done in my life. He gave me back my confidence.”
For Daphne, the process was both challenging and liberating. One of the most powerful moments came when Andy invited her to put poems to music, including Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep. “The first time I read it, I cried,” she says. “Now I can sing it unaccompanied. Music has healed me in ways I never expected.”
Her sessions grew in confidence. Andy encouraged her to begin writing songs – something she had never imagined possible – opening up a whole new world of creativity.
Music also gave her the courage to perform again. In December, Daphne took part in ellenor’s Lights of Love service, held each Christmas to remember loved ones. “I was very nervous but with Andy there, I was absolutely fine.”
Reflecting on this progress, she said: “I’m 94 and a half, nearly, and there is nothing that I won’t attempt.”
She now describes herself as independent and resilient. Music has given her fresh purpose: a reason to practise, to keep learning, and to look forward to events ahead. “That’s what gets me out of bed in the morning,” she explained.
Alongside Andy’s musical guidance, Daphne also credits the encouragement of Carla, ellenor’s Counsellor & Family Support Worker, who kept her motivated whenever she wavered. “We became a good team,” Daphne said, explaining how Carla reminded her of what she had already achieved and encouraged her to embrace each new challenge with confidence.
Her experience has also reshaped how she thinks about ageing. Too often, she said, people assume ability fades just because of a birthday milestone. In her view, it is not age but the way you live your life that matters most.
For Daphne, ellenor has been central to this renewal of purpose. She had known of the charity for many years, but it was only after joining music therapy that she truly understood its breadth. “People often think a hospice is only about end-of-life care,” she said. “But ellenor is so much more. It encourages you, supports you through grief, and helps you focus on something positive. I don’t know where I would be without it.”
Her gratitude extends beyond the sessions. She particularly values how she was treated as an equal. “They didn’t treat me as an old person,” she said. “That’s rare, and it makes such a difference.”
Today, music fills Daphne’s days. She plays piano, practises violin, and sings with a confidence she never thought she would regain. When sadness strikes, she turns to her keyboard: “It lifts me every time,” she said.
Her story shows how ellenor supports not only patients at the end of life, but also those left behind – helping people rebuild, rediscover themselves and find joy again. “I was lost when Maurice died,” Daphne reflected. “But ellenor gave me encouragement, purpose, and music. Now I feel confident again. At 94, I’ve found my voice and I want people to know it’s never too late.”
ellenor provides hospice and wellbeing support for families across Kent and Bexley. To learn more or support their work, visit Wellbeing and Therapeutic Services
